And you're more INSUFFERABLE, too!

New England Patriots fans are smarter, classier and healthier and own pricier homes than the riff-raff who root for the New York Giants – and now we’ve got the research to back it up.

Likewise, 72 percent of Pats fans live in homes worth north of $200,000, compared to 63 percent of Giants yahoos, the Nielsen data show.

That’s just for starters.

Pats fans consistently show better taste than their Gotham counterparts, according to Nielsen.

We drink Amstel Light, not Bud Light. Giants fans slug back lots of whiskey.

We are likely to read connoisseur magazines like Wine Spectator. Gotham fans like to pig out on junk food like pretzels, chips and nuts. They’re also less likely to favor organic food than other New Yorkers.

Giants tailgaters are conspicuous consumers who party off the backs of Land Rovers and showy BMW SUVs. Pats fans are more likely to tailgate off the back of an understated Lexus or a sturdy Volvo SUV.

When Pats revelers aren’t watching football, they’re hitting the slopes skiing or going for a sail. They’re also more likely to belong to country clubs.

Congrats, Pats fans. You now officially SUCK. I don’t even know where to begin. This sounds like a Hamptons-like fight between neighboring millionaires. Oh, like a Lexus/Volvo is more understated than a BMW/Land Rover. Puh-lease. Nice use of “facts”. Like Giants fans “pig out on pretzels” more than Bostoners. I want to be a NY Giant riff-raff with a Land Rover; someone fetch me one.

Thanks to Jessica Heslam for furthering the dumbing of America and increasing the venom that comes to the East Coast. Feel free to email your thoughts DIRECTLY to her: jheslam@bostonherald.com

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UPDATE #1: The Sports Hernia takes this bucket of excrement a good few steps further, as I hoped they would, since they are so very good at that. I recommend a visit, too.

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For more pro-Boston drivel, hype, hyperbole, nausea:
Yay, more pro-Boston drivel from Simmons

IIATMS overlord and founder. ESPN contributor. Purveyor of luscious reality.