Yay, more pro-Boston drivel from Simmons

Just when you thought he couldn’t get more obsessive, overbearing, stuck-in-the-80’s-and-90’s, less relevant, more homer-ish, ESPN’s highly paid “shark jumper“, Bill Simmons, has outdone himself yet again. In his latest tome to Boston excellence, he comparies the 1986 Celtics to the 2007-08 Patriots.

From the famous Sons of Sam Horn RedSox site, dated 10/12/07:

When someone first discovers Simmons, he seems clever and funny and a great read. As you read more and more of his stuff, though, the jokes get stale and you realize he’s a giant douchebag who jumped the shark 4 or 5 years ago.

That quote is from the most well known and respected Red Sox forum. Even THEY can’t stand him!
How he still has such a prominent role on ESPN is just beyond me. (Well, besides that 7 figure salary & contract, that is.) He lost his season total football picks… to his wife. He can’t whine about the Red Sox any longer (but he still does). Now he and the rest of the RSN are firmly wearing the “insufferable” hat. How about another pink one, Billy boy? He publishes 10,000 word articles about hoops. Yawn.

So, this latest manifesto includes such snarky and witty sections like:

  • FLAW THAT HELD THEM BACK HISTORICALLY: Then why write this crap?
  • DEFINING POST-VICTORY TRADITION: Um, like this matters
  • DEFINING FACIAL HAIR: Again, so what? So witty, Bill.
  • MOST ENDEARING TRAIT: They all eventually left Boston, angry and bitter?
  • HATEABILITY: All of them, especially the home town crowds and writers like you
  • HOME CROWD: Speaking of which
  • QUIRKIEST WRINKLE: Dumbest section?
  • UNINTENTIONAL COMEDY: Like Bill thinking he’s still funny and relevant
  • EFF-YOU MENTALITY: Just look around. Everyone wants to give Bill the Eff You.
  • MY DAD’S TAKE: Who really cares what your Dad thinks? I mean, c’mon ESPN. Put a cap on this!
Hypocrite alert: If someone (ESPN, SI, etc.) wants to pay me 7 figures per year to write ANYTHING, I’ll jump that shark as fast as Bill has. Just email me!

Note: I was “encouraged” to remove the “f*ck Boston” pictures I stumbled upon and wanted to post. Sadly, we all have our censors.

Continue reading Yay, more pro-Boston drivel from Simmons

Great moments in Congressional Phonics

Great moments in pronouncing names by the Rep’s in Congress heard yesterday:

  • Te-HAY-da = Tejada
  • Palm-air-EE = Palmiero
  • Bonez = Bones (should be Bone-ESS)
  • Sa-BEEN = Sabean (should be Say-be-en)
  • SELL-ig = Selig (should be SEE-lig)
  • Sel-lick = Selig
  • Fur = Fehr (should be Fear)
  • Fair = Fehr
  • BONUS: Blackhawks = Black Sox
  • BONUS: 300 = 3000
Feel free to add ones I missed via comments below and I will add them to the list.

Continue reading Great moments in Congressional Phonics

That wild Dana Jacobson

Sounds like Dana Jacobson, she of ESPN “fame”, had a rip-roaring time at the Mike & Mike Roast this past Friday night. [If I had any photoshop skills, the pic to the right would look a heckuvalot worse!]


ESPN anchor Dana Jacobson made an absolute fool of herself, swilling vodka from a Belvedere bottle, mumbling along and cursing like a sailor as Mike & Mike rested their heads in their hands in embarrassment. (Comedian Eddie) Griffin came to the podium to defend her after she was booed by the crowd. (Toastmaster Jeff) Ross eventually had to pull her off stage, too.

Some other Jeff Ross’ best lines:
“You look great for 89,” he told former Chicago Bears coach Mike Ditka, who got the loudest applause of anyone when he walked on stage. “Tonight’s event was on his bucket list.”

“This isn’t a who’s who,” he said as he looked around the stage. “It’s who didn’t make the playoffs.”

Thanks to Awful Announcing for digging this up.

Continue reading That wild Dana Jacobson

My beef with the new Yankee Stadium

My father emailed me a bunch of pictures taken of the new Yankee Stadium. Sliding into Home regularly posts updated pictures so it was cool to see the work in progress. I live about 15 miles North of the Stadium, but my commute doesn’t bring me past it daily any more so I haven’t seen it much in passing in about 2 months.

(If you want me to post some pictures or email them to you, please let me know via the comments section below.)

My biggest beef with the new design can be seen in the schematic below:

I agree with the author’s sentiments about the shape of the profile, something that I knew was coming but feared actually seeing.

I love how the upper deck in the current stadium is so close to the field. It’s not a big bowl like Shea or some other stadiums. The fans are closer and louder. Now, as it seems, the new stadium will be a bigger bowl with the fans further away. Maybe the seats will be nicer or have a better “view”, but I’d easily give up the perfect sightlines to be closer to the field, louder for the opposition. We’ll have better bathrooms, though.

Oh well. The costs of progess, I guess. Continue reading My beef with the new Yankee Stadium

Lunchtime update

I’ve been paying sporatic attention to the new “MLB on the Hill” reality show. Some quick thoughts:

  1. Tejada’s in trouble (separate investigation coming)
  2. Selig looks like a winner here. Finally accepted blame.
  3. Mitchell looked brilliant and well-prepared
  4. Fehr was predictably battled
  5. Many of these congressmen and women have no idea how to pronouce players’ names. Way to be prepared.
  6. Insinuating that “kids” can walk into any old convenience store and buy PED’s is such an over-simplified view; it’s pathetic.
  7. The congressmen and women all want a stiffer and tougher policy, yet, MLB’s penalties are already the highest (% of games suspended, etc.) in any of the major sports. What do they want, a death penalty?
  8. There is no “commercially viable” HGH test and they want blood tests now for future testing. That’d be a real threat. Buster Olney suggested this years back. If I can find that blog entry, I will, but right now, I have gotta get back to my real job.
  9. Comparing heroin/cocaine to PEDs is laughable and destroys credibility, Senator!

Would HIGHLY recommend you checking out Jayson Stark’s live blog. Better he than me to accurately capture everything.

Continue reading Lunchtime update

Rep. Waxman, a lonely nation turns its eyes to you

Where have you gone Rep. Henry Waxman, a lonely nation turns its eyes to you (and is forced to stare up your nostrils for 12 hours)?

Yessir, this is the face of Torquemada, the leader of the latest Inquisition. The Holy Troika (Bud, Fehr, Mitchell) all take the stand today on the Hill, taking turns picking at the saggy flesh of MLB’s leadership. Should be fun.

Stay tuned. This should be equal parts tedious, self-serving, painful and uncomfortable.

ESPN has some decent preview articles, here, here and here. SI.com chips in with a good preview here.

More later, got a hectic day at work. Continue reading Rep. Waxman, a lonely nation turns its eyes to you

Are you sh*tting me?

A BIG thanks to the NY Post for breaking this little oyster of goodness: ‘GLADIATORS’ TESTED FOR ‘ROIDS. Are you freakin’ sh*tting me? This program, featuring some of the most outrageously built men and women, is hosted by none other than well-known and admitted ‘roid taker Hulk Hogan. This is just beautiful.

The performers – all body builders competing in a new version of the rough-and-tumble show of the early 1990s – were all tested when they underwent their initial physicals, the magazine says.

In addition, cast members’ contracts require them to submit to tests at any time during the competition.

No, really.
The question is: Do we care? This is entertainment. Don’t we want the biggest, freakish, silicon-laden “gladiators” as we can get? I mean, why would anyone turn in to see some average joes competing against a bunch of men and women who were merely “in shape”? Where’s the fun in that? We want the joes to get pummeled by comic book characters in a fit of ‘roid rage. Right?
Um, hello?

Continue reading Are you sh*tting me?

Ooops, I didn't get the message

Seems that Clemens didn’t get Mitchell’s message, or letters, requesting him come to discuss specific instances. Oh yeah, Clemens denied that he was given this specific a request, only something generic.

Mitchell twice sent letters to the Major League Baseball Players’ Association requesting to speak to players who would be mentioned in his report into illegal use of steroids and other performance-enhancing drugs in Major League Baseball. The letters included the dates of their alleged steroid use and the teams they played for when they allegedly used performance enhancers.

In an e-mail sent to USA Today, Mitchell said he sent letters to the players’ union in the summer and in October, requesting to talk to players named in the report.

In the October letter, Mitchell wrote: “During the course of any such interview, I will inform the player of the evidence of their use, including permitting him to examine and answer questions about copies of relevant checks, mailing receipts, or other documents, and give him an opportunity to respond.”

Of course, Clemens had this to say:

Last Monday (1/7/08), Clemens claimed he did not know that he was going to be named in the Mitchell report and that Mitchell wouldn’t disclose the nature of the allegations to his agents. “They wouldn’t respond to what it was about,” Clemens said. “Obviously if I had known what Brian McNamee was saying about me I would have been there.”

Somebody’s got some ‘splaining to do! Did the MLBPA not forward the message/mail? Did Clemens’ attorney not do the same? Did Clemens not share this with his attorney? What gives?

UPDATE:

Traded a few emails with fellow seamhead and blogger extraordinaire, Shysterball, and his salient thoughts included:


“Well, Mitchell says the letters went to MLBPA. My guess is that the line goes: MLBPA-agents-players. So either the MLBPA didn’t forward it, or they did and the agent didn’t forward it, or they both did and Roger can’t read, or they did, he can read, and he is just lying.

“The biggest problem on anything re: Clemens’ testimony, whether it be about what he knew would be in the Mitchell report, what he took, or anything else, is going to be corroboration. It’s very possible that he could come off looking like an awful liar but have no legal action taken against him. After all, remember Palmiero: obviously lied (failed a steroid test a couple of weeks after his testimony) and no legal action taken.”

Thanks to Craig for the comments on the subject. As I have said before, his site is worth bookmarking. His legal background allows him to give us some greater insight than we’d otherwise have on these legal wranglings. Continue reading Ooops, I didn't get the message

"Say WHAT?!?" say McNabb and Garcia

Wait, did I see what I thought I see? Was that T.O. really bawling about “that’s my QB”? Sorry to go all-caps on you but ARE YOU FREAKIN’ SERIOUS?!?!?

Is this the same guy who has built up a tremendous reputation as a QB killer? The same guy who subterfuged both Jeff Garcia AND Donovan McNabb, not to mention Bledsoe last year in Dallas? Now he crys for Romo. First Moss becomes a team-player in New England and now TO crying for his QB in Dallas. Is there nothing right in this world any more?

“This is not about Tony,” Owens said, welling up. “You guys can point the finger at him, you can talk about the vacation, and if you do that, it’s really unfair. It’s really unfair. That’s my teammate. That’s my quarterback. You guys do that, it’s not fair. We lost as a team. We lost as a team, man.”

Here is the video

Oh please, spare me. The controversy he created on the Eagles is a prime example of the “me-first” player this guy is. Yes, he plays hurt and thanks to his own hyperbaric chamber in his house (what, you don’t have one yet?), he’s a fast healer and a tough player. But, him crying for his QB is a prime example of hypocrisy at its finest. Which, after all, is what this little blog is all about in the first place.

Thanks TO.

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BONUS:
PS: just for fun, here’s some good Romo/Jessica stuff, just ‘cuz. Also, if Jessica Simpson wanted to go with you to Cabo for a few days, would YOU turn her down? Didn’t think so.

Continue reading "Say WHAT?!?" say McNabb and Garcia