Whether you are PED-ambivalent, a zealot or otherwise, Jim Parque’s open, honest telling of his story is revealing.

It was the sixth inning. There were two outs, and John Olerud was up. I had retired the last nine batters I had faced and was on my way to securing a Chicago victory. I threw a slider, striking him out looking, but I felt a pop in my left shoulder. I returned to the dugout filled with adrenaline, but the fear of the unknown clouded my thoughts. I had sacrificed so much for my dreams — no girls or partying in high school, a limited social life, sacrificing a normal life for the rigors of baseball — and just like that, with one pitch, it was all gone.

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I made good money, but it was not enough to retire on or feel financially secure for the rest of my life. I was in my prime working years, and all I kept thinking was, ”What the hell am I going to do for the rest of my life?” Crazy thoughts go through your mind when a lifelong journey is ending.

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I want everyone to know that I fully understood what I was doing, the ramifications of the unethical decisions I made and how it potentially could cast a dark shadow over my career. For that, I truly feel sorry. Although I did not truly know if the drug I took was, in fact, HGH (although I am confident it was because of the way my body felt after the injections and my Internet research), I still chose to inject it, and I am fully responsible for my actions.

Yes, you should read it and ask yourself, “What would I have done in the same position?“