Thanks to Brad for these auto-generating PED response templates. There needs to be two templates created for what is always written whenever one of these PED stories comes out, one for the media and one for fans.

For the media might look a little like this:

According to [news source], [player name] tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs in [year]. Long known as a [reputation clich"], [player name] is said to have tested positive for [PED of choice] the same year his team [insert win-loss record or playoff accomplishments].

For fans, it may look a little like this:

Now that the news is out about [player], I’m not surprised. What I’m wondering is whether this revelation invalidates [insert player or team accomplishment]. Likewise, what does this say about [choose as many as you want: the Mitchell Report, Rick Helling's union activities to encourage stringent testing, Frank Thomas' public anti-PED stance, Jose Canseco's book--and propensity to be the smoking gun, a former GM who let the player go and/or some lone published voice who said something worthwhile]? Should there be an asterisk on [insert player and/or team accomplishment]? I’m just sick of the media moralizing on this topic and wish the entire list of 104 players would be published instead of this dripping-faucet style of reporting. On the bright side, [insert inconsequential silver lining that will be lost amidst the furor].

We just need to have a Mad-Libs version….

Back a few weeks ago, esteemed baseball writer and RedSox advisor Bill James published a very interesting article (subscription required)”about PEDs.” The article (sent to me by loyal reader B.Jones) basically postulated that “If we look into the future, then, we can reliably foresee a time in which everybody is going to be using steroids or their pharmaceutical descendants“. In other words, maybe steroids aren’t that bad after all.

Two weeks later, Manny and Papi are outted from the original 104.

There’s a part of me that should really be happy that another player from the RedSox has been outted, but really, it’s just another gut-punch to baseball. Sure, there might be some of you (myself included), that might jump up and say: “See, THAT explains it all!” Except it doesn’t. Every team was dirty. Some more than others. But to think assume that your favorite player(s) are clean is just folly.

Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz, the sluggers who propelled the Boston Red Sox to end an 86-year World Series championship drought and to capture another title three years later, were among the roughly 100 Major League Baseball players to test positive for performance-enhancing drugs in 2003, according to lawyers with knowledge of the results.

I would like to have the rest of the list released, if for no other reason than we wouldn’t have to do this every few months. Enough already. Back at the old place, I ran a poll and 60% of you wanted the names released.

(Select “View Full Post” to continue reading)