All the votes are in, and when the ballot results are released on January 9th, we’ll finally know if I’ve been inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame. After much anticipation, and six weeks of long and tedious debates, the Baseball Writers Association of America will finally make their selection, a statement that marks those amongst the greatest and most historic players in a century and a half of baseball. Looking upon this year’s ballot, I feel comfortable saying that I finally of a chance to reach my lifelong goal. Though there is still some stiff competition, let me explain to you why I deserve to be in the Hall of Fame.
I didn’t cheat, that is, I didn’t break any of Major League Baseball’s rules regarding performance enhancing drugs. While other nominees were surrounded by these temptations, there is no way of knowing which of them took something and what it is they took. Of all the possible players that could be voted in this year, I am the only one that definitely did not play a single game on anabolic steroids, human growth hormone, or stimulants. While Barry Bonds may have been the single greatest offensive player in the history of baseball, there is absolutely no way that I cheated.
In the same sense that I didn’t play a single game while on performance enhancing drugs, I also didn’t play a single game that I gambled on. Even great players like Willie Mays, Mickey Mantle, and Pete Rose have been punished for gambling, but rest assured that there is nothing that could possibly connect me to gambling, while I was a part of Major League Baseball that is.
I know what you’re all saying, I like this guy, this is the type of character that deserves to be in the Hall of Fame, but what do his numbers look like? Well, I’m not much of a statistics guy myself, but you’d be very impressed with the type of historic digits you’ll find on my baseball card. I have some incredibly big round numbers that you’d be shocked to see, even in a record book. My ERA, loss record, BB/9, and homeruns allowed are historically low, and even as a hitter, I rarely struck out or went without a hit in scoring position opportunities.
Finally, I’d like to compare myself to players that I know have received votes. Famous non-cheater, Jack Morris, will likely garner a large number of votes this year, and I can’t argue against that. But while I acknowledge that his non-steroid are impressive, I believe that I have the better numbers. I mean, the guy’s got a career ERA+ of 105 and FIP- of 97, that’s barely above average, or so I’m told. No one could ever call my career baseball average.
I know for a fact that I’ve made more contributions to the game than anyone on John Fay‘s or Mark Faller’s ballot. After decades of obeying Major League Baseball’s rules, I believe that Wednesday will finally be my turn to be inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame.