Happy what’s wrong with the bullpen week, everyone! Yankees 12, Rangers 11

(AP Photo/Tony Gutierrez)

(AP Photo/Tony Gutierrez)

They usually refer to these types of high scoring games as a slugfest but let’s call this one an “ugh” fest.

How on earth can you allow the worst team in baseball to not only score 11 runs against you but make it so your entire fan base is ready to jump out of a window because nearly every reliever in the bullpen decided to pay homage to relievers of years past by reenacting Mariano Rivera‘s infamous “What’s Wrong With Mo Week? IN THE SAME DAMN GAME?! My goodness.

This game went from annoying to fun to annoying to OMG WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?!?! to OH THANK GOD! And while yes, the end result was a win, it was definitely one of the worst wins I’ve seen in a while. You just simply cannot allow a team to get back into a game like that and especially not a team that is so feckless.

Anyway, now that I got that out of my system, let’s talk about the good stuff that happened tonight because my soon-to-be 40 year-old body feels like it has been through a 15-round bout with 1980′s Mike Tyson thanks to this shitshow of a game.

  • Brett Gardner is good. He had four hits including a home run and two doubles. Can we just clone him? A lineup of nine Brett Gardner’s would be pretty cool. He also made a slick play in left saving Brandon McCarthy‘s butt early in the game.
  • Two of the old guys, Derek Jeter and Carlos Beltran, finished with two hits apiece. Beltran collected two RBI and Jeter scored once.
  • Mark Teixeira had a triumphant return from his non-DL trip, hitting a two-run home run in the eighth inning. He also walked three times.
  • Chase Headley had another hit so I think that’s an eight-game hitting streak for him to start his Yankee tenure. Not bad. Keep it up.

Oh, okay, fine. Let’s talk about some of the bad stuff.

  • The best pitcher out of the bullpen tonight was Chase Whitley. Adam Warren, Dellin Betances and David Robertson were all having a rough time on the mound. Robertson nearly made me faint while watching the ninth inning - he gave up two earned runs on two hits, surrendered three walks and made the last play of the game was a lot scarier than it needed to be. Long fly balls to the outfield are the worst! Especially when Adrian Beltre hits them.
  • The Yankees allowed JP Arencibia, who is awful, dreadful and every other word for awful and dreadful this year, to finish with seven RBI tonight. Oh, and he hit the first Rangers’ grand slam of 2014 against Betances of all people. He also hit a home run earlier in the game off Brandon McCarthy. Did I also mention the two doubles? Yeah, I’m sick of seeing Arencibia who is batting .183 on the season, hitting home runs off of Yankee pitching. It’s annoying. I saw it person last week at the Stadium. HE’S BATTING .183. Stop it.

The win, as terrible as it was, meant that the Yankees kept pace with the Blue Jays and Orioles who both won tonight – the Orioles in walk-off fashion against the Angels. The Yanks now also have to watch out for Tampa, who for some reason, will not stop winning games. This victory also put an end to a three-game losing streak.

Stacey is co-Editor-in-Chief of It's About The Money, co-host of the It's About The Money, Stupid podcast and is a monthly contributor to ESPN's SweetSpot Blog. She is a former contributor at Aerys Sports and High Heat Stats. She has contributed to group projects at Baseball: Past And Present and the Hall of Stats. Her work has appeared in USA Today's Sports Weekly and most recently, she wrote four pieces for Derek Jeter: Celebrating the Yankees' Captain Clutch, a magazine printed by i5 Publishing.

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