Quick Hit: David Ortiz Sees Your Lightheadedness And Raises You...

... "Wet playing surface."  That's a new one.  Blows Teix right out of the water.  Because someone who's not exactly in possession of cat-like quickness at first base, hardly ever runs hard on any ball hit to anywhere, and has one of the slowest, if not the slowest, home run trots in all of baseball is a prime candidate to be affected by wet ground conditions.  You could be playing baseball on an ice rink and chances are good that Big Sloppi wouldn't stumble once.  That's the benefit of moving that slowly.

Far be it for me to question the strategy, but that probably doesn't help your cause in getting those last 2 team option years picked up in 2016 and 2017, big guy.  And we all know how much you love your money.  That's why we at IIATMS came up with a helpful solution to make sure wet playing surfaces aren't an issues again.  Voila!

Papi Wet Conditions

Wet playing surfaces?  What wet playing surfaces?  Just digging hard for second in my gangster galoshes.  You're welcome.

(Courtesy of our resident Photoshop guru Tamar Chalker)